Ohio University

Young Leader Empowerment Series

Taylor Linzinmeir headshot

Welcome to the first ever online Young Leader Empowerment Series! I’ll be your host, Taylor Linzinmeir. I am a third-year student at Ohio University and a Women’s Center staff member. I’m so excited to help mentor you all on your journey through middle school and beyond.

Why Virtual?

The Women’s Center was inspired by COVID-19 to think creatively about how we can still support the amazing young leaders that we have worked with the last few years through the Young Women Leaders Program, and how we could support new young leaders as well! This website will now house a virtual component of the Young Leader Empowerment Series that can be used by you at any time! I will be posting modules covering a range of topics, from body image to healthy relationships, here on this website. The amazing thing about this online component as well is that you can work through these modules with other people in your life. Gather (virtually, of course) friends, family, neighbors, and/or your COVID-19 pod, and explore these important topics in a fun, exciting, new, hands-on learning kind of way!

What Can I Expect?

Stay tuned as each month we’ll release a new module. You can visit this page to complete the modules in the comfort of your own home, revisit your favorites, or share them with someone else. Click the title of the lesson and a drop-down page will appear full of resources, videos, and an activity to do. We'll also let you know the "learning outcomes" for each module - meaning what we hope you gain from participating in each module (other than fun and improved confidence). Now, without further ado, let’s get started!

Questions?

Contact MaryKathyrine Tran, Assistant Director of the Women's Center, at tranm@ohio.edu or by calling 740-593-9625.

 

Who Runs the World? Girls!

What does it mean to be a girl?

What does it mean to be a girl?

What does it mean to you to be a “girl?” Does it require strength or compassion? Kindness? Intelligence? Why not all the

above? If you need some help answering this question, check out this fun book (this hyperlink opens The Gender Book) that showcases the diversity of gender and is celebratory and affirming of the LGBTQ+ community. The Gender Book is free to download, but they take donations.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where it is often an insult to do something “like a girl.” This comes from stereotypes, or widely held assumptions about particular people and things, about who girls are and how they should act. We will look further into this phenomenon during our video discussion later.

Some people may want you to believe that simply because you’re a girl, you must be the idea of beauty that is trendy that week, you can’t possibly be good at sports, and you have to care about someday becoming a wife and mother above everything else. Those people are lying.

In the activity for this lesson, Girl Power Crafting Hour, I want you to think about what girlhood means to you by drawing photographs of what your culture says it means to be a girl and what you think it means to be a girl. Those pictures may be the same or they may be different. Here is a sneak peak of what I created, proudly displayed in my living room:

A painting of a plant is on a table with a lamp and vase filled with sunflowers.

In some cultures around the world, girls must risk their lives to gain access to an education, while young boys never have to question if they’ll go to school. Those cultures see girlhood as less important than boyhood. As a result, nearly two thirds of women in the world are illiterate.

Additionally, more than 17 million girls have been displaced amid the global refugee crisis. The free short film Brave Girl Rising  follows the life of one young woman living in a refugee camp.  Because of their personal lived experiences, the girls in this movie may have a widely different idea of what girlhood means to them. To learn more about what it’s like to be a young girl and an immigrant, check out this reading list.

Personally, I’ve learned from my friends and family as well as through popular culture that part of being a girl means being a strong advocate. It means being someone who stands up not only for themselves, but for others as well. Embodying this idea are people like Greta Thunberg, the 17-year-old climate activist and the 2019 TIME magazine person of the year; Mari Copeny, otherwise known as Little Miss Flint, who has been urging politicians to fix the water crisis in Flint, Michigan, since she was 8; and Sarah Rose Huckman, who lobbied to extend nondiscrimination protections to transgender people in New Hampshire while she was in high school.

Your definition of girlhood may not match mine, and that’s okay. It may not match the definitions of your family or your friends either. What is important is that your definition of girlhood is your own. It shouldn’t be constructed by what people want you to believe being a girl should mean, you must think for yourself above all. To help you come up with your own definition of girlhood, which you can then use in our crafting adventure, I want you to investigate the following: create, listen, and learn activities!

Create

Grab your mobile device and click this link to create your own empowering “This Girl Can” poster.  Check out the one I made below!

Taylor Linzinmeir flexes in a Girl Power, This Girl Can poster.

 

Listen

This one is for my fellow podcast-lovers. Listen to this podcast from Critical Feminist Conversations where Lisa Corrigan and Laura Weiderhaft talk about their own experiences with girlhood.

Learn

Throughout your life, you will likely see injustice in the world. Right now, that injustice might live in your school, your community and maybe even in your relationships. The Spark Movement is here to help. They have compiled resources, advice and opportunities to help you become a better activist here on their website.

Watch, Learn, Discuss!

Watch this Nike Ad, “What will they say about you?” (also embedded below) and reflect with those around you. 

Keep these questions in mind as you watch the video and try to answer them together after you’ve finished.

  • Question 1: What are some stereotypes that you have heard about girls? Are they true?
  • Question 2: Can you recall an instance where you were underestimated because of your girlhood? How did that feel?
  • Question 3: What can you say in response to someone who tries to disrespect girls? How can you support other girls as we break stereotypes and expectations of what it means to be a girl?

For Your Listening Pleasure: A Playlist!

I have created a YouTube playlist for you to listen to while you create the Girl Power Craft Hour for this week. You can look forward to new playlist with each module! I hope you enjoy it so much that you listen to it beyond just our Craft Hour this week!

Girl Power Crafting Hour

We want you to teach us about what the culture of girlhood is by using imagery.  Draw photographs of what your culture says it means to be a girl AND what you think it means to be a girl. Would the picture for those questions be the same or different? These could be sketches of your room, of items at the store, but something that signifies for you the answers to these questions. Post it in a place you can look every day.

  • Materials list:
  • Paper, canvas, or anything else you can draw on.
  • Writing utensils such as pencils, markers, paint, and colored pencils.
  • Get creative! Find things around your house you can use to make your masterpiece. This could be cutouts from magazines, glitter, even uncooked macaroni noodles.

Watch this video  to see my friends and I participate in the Girl-Power Crafting Hour!

Thank you for joining us for this amazing hour together! I cannot wait for you to visit us again next time. Remember, you are amazing!

 
Big Ships, Small Ships, and the Best Ship: Leadership!

So, You Want to be a Leader?

The words, “So, you want to be a leader?” above a group of 7 cartoon-style characters in black and white.

So, you want to be a leader? Climb aboard, the Women’s Center is here to help. One way to become a better leader at your school and community is to have the necessary abilities, knowledge, or skills to do something successfully. This is being competent. To be a good leader, you must believe in your capability to make good decisions and academic choices. You must be confident in your competency. Why? Because Leaders Get. Things. Done.

Leaders also care about and appreciate others. One of the ways we learn to care about each other is by recognizing the ways that we are alike and the ways that we are different. That way, we can appreciate others for the unique gifts they bring to the world. These gifts can be a person's cleverness, their sense of style, even their cooking abilities.

The ways that we are alike and different shape our experience of the world. For example, I am a white woman, which means I haven’t had the same experiences that a Black woman has had. We could both be underestimated by some because we are women, but I have never been underestimated because of my skin color in addition to being a woman.

This idea of us having many different identities and aspects is referred to as intersectionality, a word coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw in 1989 (this hyperlink opens a video of  Kimberlé Crenshaw explaining intersectionality, it’s also embedded below).

Side note: I know the concept of intersectionality can be very confusing. In fact, I never even learned the word existed until I was in college. I have linked some more videos for you to watch about it down below to better explain the concept. Now, back to the lesson.

Taylor inquisitively reading a green copy of the second edition of the book, Threshold Concepts in Women’s and Gender Studies: Ways of Seeing, Thinking, and Knowing by Christie Launius and Holly Hassel.

When you care and appreciate others, you can then become their ally. An ally (this hyperlink opens the magazine feature, “Anatomy of and Ally”) is a member of a group or team who believes they can make a positive difference for other people. They are willing to take risks, to stand up for someone who is treated unfairly, and to speak up -- even when it’s unpopular to do so.

This doesn’t mean you have to invite everyone over for sleepovers and braid their hair. Being an ally for someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you are their close friend. It just means that you have their backs and are willing to lift them up when they need support. (But you can always be their friend, too!) We will look at this further in our video discussion.

A black and white portrait of late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg in a long, black justice’s robe and a large white necklace.
Photo taken by Ruven Afanador. No copyright infringement is intended.

As important it is to be an ally, it is equally important to celebrate the allies you have in your own life. In our creative activity this month, we will make Certificates of Appreciation for those who have had a positive impact on us.

Just like how there is no one definition of what it means to be a girl, there is no one definition of what it means to be a leader. A leader looks like many different things. There are young leaders, like the girls we talked about in our last module, “Who Runs the World? Girls!”, and there can also be women leaders in their 80s, like the late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg (this hyperlink opens a video of RBG answering the question, “Do you have any regrets?” You can also click here to read more about RBG’s life as a feminist pioneer in her obituary by NPR.) What these women and girls have in common is the fact that they stand up against injustices –both big and small-- they see in their world.

Despite all the incredible work they’ve done paving the way for people, women leaders, especially those of color, are often left out of the history books. For example, many people don’t know the modern LGBTQ+ rights movement was started by two trans women of color, Sylvia Rivera (this hyperlink opens a short bio on Rivera from the National Portrait Gallery) and Marsha P. Johnson (this hyperlink opens a Vogue article written about Johnson). Another name you might not have heard is Patsy Takemoto Mink (this hyperlink opens a video about Mink’s work). She was the first woman of color, first Asian American, and first woman from Hawaii to be elected to U.S. Congress. As you complete this month’s module, make sure to keep these women leaders in mind.

Create a Certificate of Appreciation

Think about the women in your lives who have been a positive influence on you or have been an ally to you with the people around you. Create a least one Certificate of Appreciation for a woman you appreciate. Look at the one I made below if you need some inspiration!

Taylor holding a piece of paper that reads’ “This Certificate of Appriciation is awarded to Katy Linzinmeir for being a great mom” in orange and blue marker.

If you look closely at this photo, you’ll see I spelled “appreciation” incorrectly. Whoops! This minor failure is actually a very good teaching moment. I left my mistake in this module because I believe it’s important that we normalize failures in our society. Women are constantly expected to be perfect and held to a higher standard even though everyone makes mistakes! We’ll talk about this more in a future module about perfectionism.

To complete your project, you will need:

  • Paper
  • Writing utensils such as pencils, markers, paint, and colored pencils.
  • Get creative! Find things around your house you can use to make your masterpiece. This could be anything from cutouts from magazines to glitter.

Listen

Listen to this episode (this hyperlink opens the podcast) of the podcast Code Switch to understand how race and racism affect our friendships.

Learn

As promised, here are some videos about this month’s word: intersectionality.

Watch, Learn, Discuss

Watch this video about the definition of the word “ally” AND read the information provided below the video with the people around you. Once you have finished, think about the following questions and try to answer them with your group.

  • Question 1: What does being an ally look like to you?
  • Question 2: Do you have to be someone’s friend to be their ally?
  • Question 3: What are some simple ways you can be an ally to someone who isn’t necessarily your friend?

For Your Listening Pleasure: A Playlist!

Here (this hyperlink opens the playlist on YouTube) is the playlist for this month on being a leader, an ally, and a friend.

Activity

Take a stroll around your neighborhood (with your guardian’s permission, of course) and take in the sights. Keep an eye out for the things you love about your community, and the things that you want to see change. Once you find something that you would like to see change, think about the necessary abilities, knowledge, or skills you need to successfully bring about that change.

Can’t go outside? No problem! You can take a virtual walk around Spain, New Zealand, or anywhere else on Earth using Google Voyager (hyperlink opens Google Voyager).

Check out me and my friends completing the activity in our own neighborhoods in the video below!

 

    New Year, New You?

    Let's Talk About Body Image!

    Content Warning:

    This module is focused on body image, and particularly challenging the ways society has tried to make people change the way they look and/or feel about themselves. We encourage you to practice self-care when determining whether or not to participate in this module. If you are currently experiencing gender dysphoria or body dysmorphia, help is available. A list of resources has been posted online by the National Center for Transgender Equality at https://transequality.org/additional-help, and on the National Eating Disorders Association website at https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline

    Introduction:

    When you think about your height, shape and weight, what do you feel? When you move your body, what do you experience? The answers to those questions encompass this month’s lesson: Body Image.

    The words “Let’s talk about Body Image” appear above three cartoon-style women on a background of teal green with gold stars.

    Television, movies and social media play a huge part in how we view our bodies. With the start of the new year, the onslaught of advertisements for workout equipment and gym memberships encouraging everyone to lose weight has only intensified, as it does every new-year's-resolution season. We often internalize these messages from the media, making us feel bad about ourselves when they perpetuate the idea that only one certain body type is acceptable and attractive and that you must make sure you fit this body type. This idea, coined by Naomi Wolf in her 1990 book, is called “The Beauty Myth.”

    Taylor holds her hand-painted portraits of Frida Kahlo, Iris Apfel and Halima Aden on a canvas with a pink background in front of her face.

    Two years ago, I created an art piece that was inspired by three women who have disrupted the beauty myth throughout the last few decades. On the left is Frida Kahlo. Frida was a Mexican painter who created art exploring identity, gender, class and race in Mexican society. She famously sported a unibrow and facial hair. In the middle is American businesswoman, interior designer and fashion icon, Iris Apfel. She got her first modeling contract at 97-years-old and is still rockin’ it, proving that true beauty has no age limit. On the right is Halima Aden, a hijabi fashion model. She was the first person to wear a hijab in the Miss Minnesota USA beauty pageant, and she has since been signed to IMG Models and was the first woman to appear wearing a burkini in Sports Illustrated. (Hyperlinks opens more information about Frida, Iris and Halima).

    Interestingly enough, Wolf also claims, "beauty is the last, best belief system that keeps male dominance intact" (Wolf, as quoted in Wilson, Emily). Wolf, and English radical feminist writer Julie Bindel (this link opens an article by Bindel urging feminists to “ditch the makeup bag”), argue that going bare-faced and all natural is an act of feminism while putting on a full face of makeup is an act of submission. But doesn’t this belief itself, that you must be all natural to be a beautiful feminist, simply play into the beauty myth?

    Makeup can be an important part of identity expression for some in the LGBTQ+ community. For example, gender non-conforming activist, writer and producer Jacob Tobia (link opens a YouTube video) uses makeup to challenge the rules of gender. Grey, a genderfluid artist and musician, said in an interview with Dazed (the link opens the article) that makeup “gave me a way to navigate through the world when I was at my weakest point, and I realized through makeup that I could be whatever character I needed to be in order to make it through; in order to be myself” (Radin, Sara).

    For some, there may be external pressure from society to change your body in ways that you do not want to. You may be told that you have to look a certain way in order to be celebrated. For those of you who may relate to that, I encourage you to not let society tell you that your body makes you less than. You should appreciate it for all the incredible things that it can do. Your body enables you to spend time with your friends – whether virtually or in-person. It allows you to laugh, to dance and to dream. Give your body some extra love. Take a nap or a bath or make yourself an affirmation jar like my friend Rhianna did in this video (link opens the video on YouTube). Recognize that you are not your nose or your feet or your thighs. You are a whole person.

    Plus-sized hijabi model Leah Vernon poses in a yellow and orange outfit and sunglasses.
    Photo taken by KD Photo (London). No copyright infringement is intended.

    A group who exemplifies this well are fat activists, like the plus-sized hijabi model Leah Vernon (link opens an article about Vernon on embracing the word “fat”). Fat activism is a political movement that advocates for the rights of fat people by raising awareness of the obstacles they are faced with in their day-to-day life. We will look further into what fat activism is—and isn’t -- in the “Learn” section of this module.  

    As you’ve grown up, what are some positive ways that your body has changed? Can you run faster? Can you reach higher shelves? Can you ride more rollercoasters than you could before? I know that when I was in middle school, it was hard for me to see the positives sometimes. If you happen to feel the same way I did, I’ve added some helpful resources at the bottom of this module.

    Creating a positive self-image doesn’t happen overnight. It is a continuous process that a lot of people must work on. But don’t fear, I’m here. You can always come back to this module whenever you need some extra love and support on your journey.

    A goal-setting grid you can fill in yourself. It has the five steps described above the photo set on a purple background with pink and green stars.

    Create: Radical Revolutions

    Create your own goal setting grid for the new year. Remember: True beauty is NOT skin deep! Set a resolution that doesn’t revolve around your body. Focus on your strengths. Look at and my friends’ goal grids below if you need some inspiration!

    • Step 1: Decide on a GOAL (e.g., get an A in English this grading period). Write it in the first box.
    • Step 2: Develop the STEPS to achieve it. When thinking of the step, remember that specific is terrific! Write them in the second box.
    • Step 3: Create a TIMELINE for the steps. Write it in the third box.
    • Step 4: Decide who can SUPPORT achieving the goal. Write it in the fourth box.
    • Step 5: Post your Radical Revolutions to your Instagram story and achieve your dreams!

    Listen:

    In this ABC podcast, “Facing down the beauty myth,” Miyuki Jokiranta analyzes how beauty influencers are reclaiming beauty and make-up as a tool of personal empowerment instead of a tool of the patriarchy (the hyperlink opens the podcast).

    Learn more about Fat Activism:

    This month we’re looking deeper into fat activism. Below are some videos to help us further understand what fat activism is (the hyperlinks open the respective videos). When you’re done think about how, given what you’ve viewed below, has your perception of the word “fat” changed?  

    • Virgie Tovar Tells Us The Difference Between Body Positivity and Fat Activism : “Virgie Tovar is an advocate for fat activism, which is not to be confused with the body positivity movement. Watch her explain what needs to change in the body positivity movement. “ - NYLON
    • What is Weight Discrimination and How Does it Affect Us? UCLA Researcher A. Janet Tomiyama Has Answers : A. Janet Tomiyama, Ph.D., is an associate professor at UCLA who studies health psychology and social psychology. In this Q&A, she sits down with Virgie Tovar to discuss what weight-based discrimination is.
    • Enough with the fear of fat : “In a society obsessed with body image and marked by a fear of fat, Kelli Jean Drinkwater engages in radical body politics through art. She confronts the public's perception of bigger bodies by bringing them into spaces that were once off limits -- from fashion runways to the Sydney Festival -- and entices all of us to look again and rethink our biases. ‘Unapologetic fat bodies can blow people's minds,’ she says.” - TEDxSydney

    Watch, Learn, Discuss!:

    Surround yourself with positive people and watch this video (the hyperlink opens the video on YouTube) of girls ages 5-18 talking about what beauty means to them. Once you have finished, think about the following questions and try to answer them with your group. Remember: it’s easier to feel good about yourself when you surround yourself with people who are supportive and who love you for who you naturally are.

    • Question 1: What are the top 10 things that you like about yourself that are not related to how much you weigh or what you look like?
    • Question 2: What are some compliments you can give yourself to combat negative thoughts?
    • Question 3: What is one thing you like about someone else in the group that doesn’t relate to their weight or appearance?
    • Question 4: After everything you’ve learned, what is one thing you’d tell your younger self?

    For your listening pleasure: a playlist!:

    Here (this link opens the playlist on YouTube) is the playlist for this month!

    Find the Photoshop:

    We are going to practice becoming a more critical viewer of media messages in our activity this month. Watch this video and play along at home as my friends and I play Find the Photoshop. Pay attention to the images that make you feel bad about yourself, why they make you feel bad about yourself, and protest them!

    Resources:

    Works Cited

    Wilson, Emily. “Women: A Quick Reminder ... The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf.” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 18 Oct. 2005, www.theguardian.com/books/2005/oct/18/classics.shopping.

    Radin, Sara. “Five LGBTQ People on What Makeup Means to Them.” Dazed, 30 Mar. 2018, www.dazeddigital.com/life-culture/article/39535/1/five-lgbtq-people-on-….

    I Know How to Love Me: Relationships!

    Real Talk: Healthy Relationships

    Content Warning:

    This module is focused on relationships, on identifying certain behaviors that may be healthy or unhealthy in relationships with friends and romantic partners. We encourage you to practice self-care when determining whether or not to participate in this module. If this module causes some things to come up for you about your own experiences, or experiences that those you know maybe are having, there are resources available to you. Resources are available on the Love is Respect website at https://www.loveisrespect.org/, and on the National Domestic Violence Hotline website at https://www.thehotline.org/. There are also resources available for those in the LGBTQ+ community on the Bucket Region Anti-Violence Organization (BRAVO) website at http://bravo.equitashealth.org/, and for those in the Athens, Ohio, area on the Survivor Advocacy Outreach Program at https://www.saopseoh.org/. Additional resources can be found below in the Resources section.

     

    When we think about the wide variety of relationships we have in our lives —relationships with friends, teachers, siblings, or romantic partners— it’s important to practice healthy behaviors in all of them, not just the romantic ones. Platonic relationships with those in our support team can be just, if not more, meaningful.

    Our friends have often been in our lives longer than romantic partners and will probably stick around for longer too. My longest friendship has been going strong for fifteen years now, while my longest romantic relationship has lasted around two. Our friends also see us through many stages in our lives while a romantic partner might only see us in a single stage. There is also less pressure in platonic relationships than romantic ones, they love you no matter what.

    “Real Talk: Healthy Relationships” is written above images of a variety of different characters interacting with each other through chat screens. Hearts surround them all.

    It’s natural for friends and partners to come and go in our lives as we grow, but at the end of the day, the relationship we have with ourselves is forever. That’s why cultivating a positive relationship with yourself is so important. In fact, the cornerstone to every healthy relationship is loving yourself first.  But what do you do if you don’t have this positive relationship with yourself?

    The first place you can start is building your self-esteem. According to Merriam-Webster, self-esteem is a confidence and satisfaction in oneself (“Self-Esteem.”). In other words, self-respect. In some cases, building this self-respect may take time. Never fear, Niko is here. Watch Niko Everett’s TEDxYouth talk on building self-esteem to get started (hyperlink opens the video on YouTube).

    My top takeaway from Niko is that I need to meet myself. One thing about myself that I am proud of is my work here! I also want to start implementing her idea where every time I have a positive thought about myself, I turn the volume up in my brain. Then every time I have a negative feeling about myself, I delete it from my brain.

    The best friend of self-esteem is confidence. They work hand-in-hand to help you believe in yourself and your abilities. If you need a little confidence boost, check out Amy Adkins’ three tips to boost your confidence (hyperlink opens the video). When we have this positive relationship with ourselves and our self-esteem and confidence are boosted, it’s easier for us to advocate for our needs in other relationships, so make sure to look at the Listen, Learn, Discuss section below if you need another confidence boost.

    Important Note from Taylor:

    No matter what, you deserve to be treated well by others. While we are entering this conversation acknowledging the importance of a positive relationship with yourself, you don’t have to believe in yourself yet to deserve respect and care from others. Self-esteem and confidence are just tools you can use to build positive relationships with those around you. I myself still work with a therapist every other week to learn how to build my self-esteem. It is never your fault if you are being abused. Now, back to the module.​​​​

     

    Having healthy friendships is also very important. Friends are there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on, they help you become the person you want to be and are overall just nice to spend time with. They don’t intentionally cause you stress, gossip about you behind your back or use you.

    For me personally, I think it can be harder to identify hurtful or harmful behaviors in our friendships than in romantic relationships. To help you learn more about unhealthy versus healthy behaviors in friendships, watch this video by teen therapist Mallory Grimste. If you're worried one of your friends might be acting problematically, you can also check out this video where Grimste explains some warning signs for toxic friendships (hyperlinks open videos on YouTube).

    Now let’s talk about relationships with our romantic partners. What makes a romantic relationship healthy versus unhealthy? Some warning signs that you might be in an abusive relationship, according to the Love is Respect Website (hyperlink opens the website), are if your partner calls you names when they’re angry, if they’re always jealous when you hang out with others, or if they want you to spend all your time with them and never let you see anyone else. They may also try to make you do things that you don’t want to and struggle with taking no for an answer.

      When we talk about healthy relationships, we often discuss these as “red flags.” But what are the good things people should look for in a partner?  I spoke with some of my colleagues at the Women’s Center and they gave me a list of green flags for you to consider:

    • They listen attentively and offer help when you need it.
    • They make time for you.
    • They ask you how you feel.
    • They encourage you to follow your passions.
    • They take responsibility for their actions.
    • There’s no need to constantly be with or always texting/talking to each other.
    • They’re excited about the things you are excited about.
    • You feel safe when you are alone with them.
    • We communicate our needs and boundaries.

    A common theme of these green flags is communication. Good communication is very important in a relationship. But not everyone communicates love the same way. According to The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (hyperlink opens the book’s website), there are five different ways people prefer to express and receive love. Do you and your partner speak the same love language?

    A woman is surrounded by five red hearts, each containing the name of a love language and a small icon that represents it. The love languages are physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, gifts and acts of service.

    Although no relationship is perfect, no relationship should ever make you feel scared or shameful. Instead, they should make you feel loved and supported. However, if a relationship is making you feel scared or shameful, there are resources available in the resource section below. I hope you are better able to make the decision about what relationships in your life are beneficial for you with the help of the Young Leader Empowerment Series.

    Resources:

    Listen:

    I’ve had my fair share of breakups in my life. I have had breakups with boyfriends and best friends. I’ve also had breakups with dreams and career aspirations. The main thing that I’ve learned from all these experiences is that they are all equally hard (I even think I’ve been more upset after losing friends than after losing romantic partners).

    I once had a best friend who I did almost everything with, we practically grew up together. I loved her very much and even learned a lot from her over the years, but one day I realized that she was not a very good influence on me. Even though we were friends for almost six years, I realized that our friendship was no longer good for me. We weren’t encouraging each other to be the best versions of ourselves. We broke up.

    I’m going to channel my wonderful therapist for some advice to give to you if you’ve gone through something similar. Losing people in your life that may have been very important to you at some point is always going to be tough, but sometimes it’s for the best. Not many relationships last forever, and that’s okay. I like to think that people are in our lives for specific seasons and specific reasons.  Each person that walks into our lives carries a life lesson for us. Just because you may not be friends with someone anymore doesn’t mean you can’t still cherish the good times you had with them and the ways the shaped your personality for the better.

    If you want to hear more people’s perspectives, listen to this podcast (link opens the podcast) from YR Media called Adult ISH. In this episode, the hosts Nyge Turner and Merk Nguyen talk about breakups —friend breakups, romantic breakups, and breaking up with your dream job. (Go ahead and skip to about 9 minutes in to bypass a long intro.)

    Hosts of the Adult ISH podcast stand outside smiling at the camera with their hands up. Nyge Turner is on the left and Merk Nguyen is on the right.

    Learn:

    four boxes, one large and the others smaller, appear over a background of orange and pink bubbles. The larger box reads, “Shoutout to the people in my support team!” and the other three boxes below are left blank for people to fill them in.

    The good relationships we have with people are often also people who are members of our support teams. Who’s on your support team? These people could be friends, family, teachers —anyone in your life who you think can support you in making important decisions.

    Support teams are important for a variety of different reasons. If you read this module and now need advice about a relationship in your life, talking to someone in your support team could be very helpful. If you’ve recently gone through a breakup, your support team will probably be instrumental in helping you recover. These people are trustworthy individuals whose advice you trust. They are there for you in your time of need —not just when it comes to relationship advice— and you probably are the same for them.

    Once you’ve done some brainstorming of who is in your support team, download and fill out this Instagram graphic to show your appreciation for your support team!

    Watch, Learn, Discuss:

    Watch the video below where Brittany Packnett talks about her journey with confidence and gives her tips on building confidence in yourself and sparking it in others. When you’re done, answer the following questions together.

    • Question 1: Which confident person do you aspire to be like when you grow up? Who is your Septima Clark?
    • Question 2: How do we reward confidence in some people and punish it in others?
    • Question 3: What communities do you call on when you’re afraid?

    Brittany Packnett: How to build your confidence -- and spark it in others

    For Your Listening Pleasure: A Playlist:

    Here (this link opens the playlist on YouTube) is the playlist for this month!

    The Girl-Power Crafting Hour:

    We’re bringing back the Girl-Power Crafting Hour to create valentines for ourselves! Think about ten things you like about yourself. These things should be about your personality, not about your appearance. Once you’re done, put them around your living area so you can always see them and remind yourself how amazing you are.

    Bonus: Make some to give to your support team members!

    • Materials list:
      • Paper, canvas, or anything else you can draw on.
      • Writing utensils such as pencils, markers, paint, and colored pencils.
      • Get creative! Find things around your house you can use to make your masterpiece. This could be cutouts from magazines, glitter, even uncooked macaroni noodles.

    Works Cited

    “Self-Esteem.” Merriam-Webster, Merriam-Webster, www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-esteem.

     

    Caring for Your Imperfectly Perfect Self

    An honest discussion about mental health and perfectionism.

    Content Warning:

    This module is focused on mental health and perfectionism. We encourage you to practice self-care when determining whether or not to participate in this module. If this module causes some things to come up for you about your own experiences, or experiences that those you know maybe are having, there are resources available to you. Resources are available on the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You can also visit the National Alliance on Mental Health’s website to find resources for youth, including information on managing your mental health and making friends at www.nami.org/Find-Support/Teens-and-Young-Adults. LGBTQIA+ individuals can find crisis intervention services on the Trevor Project’s website at www.thetrevorproject.org. You can also call 1-866-7386 or text the word “Trevor” to 1-202-204-1200. Additional resources can be found below in the Resources section.

    Introduction:

    Our mental health determines how we think, act, and feel. It can affect not only our personality, but our bodies, too. When people are struggling with their mental health, they may feel overly tired, struggle with headaches and/or experience issues with food. That’s why it is so important to talk about mental health and bring awareness to mental illness.

    For some, talking about mental illness can be nerve wracking. Personally, it took a long time for me to tell anyone I was struggling with my anxiety because I was afraid that people would see me as different. But the truth is a lot of people struggle with their mental health. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (hyperlink opens their website), nearly one in five adults in the United States live with a mental illness (“Mental Illness”). If you are struggling with your own mental health, please know that you’re not alone.

    Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (“Facts & Statistics: Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA”). It affects 25.1% of people between 13 and 18 years old. But even though anxiety is so common and highly treatable, not a lot of people receive treatment. Watch this video (hyperlink opens the video on YouTube) where a teen named Rose talks about her social anxiety and how therapy helped her.

    Anxiety disorders can stem from a lot of different factors, including genetics, brain chemistry and life events. Symptoms include feeling nervous, irritable or on edge, having difficulty concentrating and having trouble sleeping, among others. These symptoms can cause people to perform poorly in school, miss out on social experiences and abuse substances.

    Why do you think women are more likely to develop an anxiety disorder than men? I believe it has something to do with the way girls are socialized. For example, young girls are taught to be perfect, while young boys are taught to be brave. This means that men are socialized to take risks while women are socialized to be afraid of failure. This social construction of how we are supposed to behave is described by Reshma Saujani in her book Brave, Not Perfect. We will look at how she describes the perils of perfectionism in the “Learn” and “Watch, Learn, Discuss!” section of this module.

    Despite what you may have been told, it is okay to fail, and failure can even be good! At the Women’s Center, we start our staff meetings each week going around telling what we accomplished and what we failed at. Some mistakes from last week include missing an important meeting and sending out a mass email incorrectly. Talking about this normalizes failure and taking risks, and it also helps the rest of us not make the same mistakes. I encourage all of you to go out into the world and be unapologetically afraid to fail.

    Recently when I get asked in job interviews what my biggest strength is, I tell them that it’s my bravery. I always try to push myself to do things I’m afraid of. I figure that most fears are just future skills in disguise. For example: I was really shy in middle school.  So, once I got into high school, I tried out for the school play. I didn’t get the part I wanted, but it didn’t matter; I stayed in theater for the rest of high school and made amazing memories and friends. Learning how to be comfortable speaking in front of a huge crowd even prepared me to work at the Women’s Center where I have introduced key-note speakers and spoken on panels for diversity and inclusion.

    It’s also common for people with anxiety to also have depression, according to Anxiety and Depression Association of America (“Depression: Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA”). Everyone feels sad sometimes, but people with depression feel persistently sad over a long period of time. Depression is also more common in women than in men. The symptoms also look different for women than men, and those symptoms also change based on age, but include feeling “empty” or hopeless, losing interest in things you used to like, and fatigue.

    If you think you may be suffering from depression, fill out the questions in this screening from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (hyperlink opens the screening). Once you’re done, print it out and share with your doctor. You can also use other resources as well. Talk with your guidance counselor at school, or use your support team to identify other resources local to you.

    I think it’s important to think about your mental health the same way you would about your physical health. If you’re sick, you rest, stay hydrated and take medicine to help your body recover. You must take care of your brain just like you would the rest of your body. Safespace (hyperlink takes you to their website) offers a few different tips for teens to take care of their mental wellbeing. These include getting enough sleep, eating well and exercising.

    It also includes one of my favorite tips for dealing with anxiety: using breathing techniques! My favorite technique is something called “box breathing” (hyperlink opens an article explaining the technique). The idea is that whenever you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed, you can use the technique to relieve anxiety and concentrate. You take a deep breath in for four seconds, hold the breath for four seconds and then exhale for four seconds.

    This also connects me to my support team. My team knows that when I start to panic, I try to begin box breathing to calm myself down.  But sometimes it isn’t always easy to tell myself to breathe in the heat of the moment. Because of that, many members of my support team will start box breathing to encourage me to.

    Let’s be real: the last year (2020-2021) has been extremely stressful. Even people who may never have experienced mental health issues before may have experienced them throughout this last year because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Some may feel very disconnected from their support team because of all the quarantining and physical distancing.

    Even while physically distant from some, you are never alone. At the end of the day, you always have yourself to rely on for comfort and support. That’s why you must be your own biggest supporter. Make sure you have a list of coping mechanisms at your disposal when you need them... A list kind of like the one I’ve created for you in this module!

    Listen:

    If you’re feeling anxious, close your eyes and listen to this 10-minute guided meditation.

    Learn: The Perils of Perfectionism

    Wanting to do your best and challenging yourself to take risks is a great thing. Sometimes taking risks can result in failure, but what’s wrong with that? Our failures often teach us amazing lessons.

    Wanting to be perfect all the time can be very harmful. Humans are inherently flawed creatures; no one is perfect. Women are especially expected to be perfect in our society. We must always dress and act perfectly —but what does that mean? It is a totally unattainable goal that ultimately can be very unrewarding and anxiety inducing.

    Looking “perfect” just means that you are ascribing to whatever standards of beauty society are forcing upon you at that given time. But these standards of beauty are constantly changing throughout time and cultures and rarely ever apply to men. When female actresses age, they are told they must use cosmetics and surgery to make them look young again, while male actors are considered “silver foxes.” There is no way to always fit every standard, but society wants women to think that they must bend over backward to look “perfect” all the time.

    Women are also socialized to act perfectly all the time. From a young age, we are taught that “boys will be boys,” a saying that is essentially a gendered get-out-of –jail-free card for any poor behavior a guy might exhibit. The same is not true for women. Women are taught that they must constantly be on their best behavior. Think about how often you apologize in your day-to-day life. The other day, I said sorry to a chair I ran into in my house.

    When I was middle school, I was very concerned about always getting perfect grades. I thought that if I didn’t get all A’s my parents would love me less. This produced a lot of school-related anxiety that followed me through my middle school and high school careers. I had to learn that my self-worth was not directly connected to my report card; getting a bad grade did not make me any less deserving of love. I was still the same compassionate and creative person I had been all along.

    But don’t take my word for it. Watch the video below from York St John University about the downside of perfectionism and learn some tips on how you can combat perfectionism in your own life!

    Watch, Learn, Discuss!:

    Watch the TED Talk “Teach Girls Bravery, not Perfection” where Reshma Saujani talks about how we teach girls to be perfect while we teach boys to be brave. When you’re done, answer the following questions with your support group.

    • Question 1: Think about your own life. Has there ever been a time when you exercised bravery? Explain.
    • Question 2: How can you help build a sisterhood where girls know they are not alone in their struggles?
    • Question 3: Are there any dreams that you are deferring because you are uncomfortable with imperfection? What are steps you can take to make these dreams a reality?

    For your listening pleasure: a playlist!:

    Here (this link opens the playlist on YouTube) is the playlist for this month!

    Activity:

    I am doing a classic “day in the life” style video for the activity this week. I will be trying a bunch of self-care techniques that were suggested to me by my coworkers at the Women’s Center and giving my honest review of all of them. Hopefully, this video will give you some inspiration for ways to practice self-care in your own life!

    Resources:

    Resources in Athens, Ohio:

    Works Cited

    “Depression: Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA.” Depression | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA, Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 17 Feb. 2021, adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/depression.

    “Facts & Statistics: Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA.” Facts & Statistics | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA, Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 17 Feb. 2021, adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/facts-statistics.

    “Mental Illness.” National Institute of Mental Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Jan. 2021, www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness.shtml.