Supporting a Friend Who Experienced Sexual Misconduct

If the incident has recently occurred, the person's immediate safety and well-being should be the priority.

You can encourage your friend to:

• Move to a safe location if they feel unsafe.
• Contact 911 if there is an immediate threat to their safety.
• Seek emergency medical care if they have injuries or other urgent medical concerns.
• Consider obtaining medical attention even if they do not believe they are physically injured.
• Connect with a confidential resource, advocate, counselor, or other support person if they would like assistance.

If your friend is considering reporting the incident or pursuing criminal charges, you may also encourage them to seek medical care promptly at a facility where a sexual assault forensic examination can be performed. The If You Experience Sexual Misconduct webpage provides more information about resources and actions the individual may want to consider.

Individuals respond to difficult experiences in different ways. There is no "right" way to react.

• Allow your friend to make their own decisions about what steps, if any, they want to take.
• Avoid pressuring them to report, confront someone, or take any particular action.
• Respect their privacy.
• Recognize that they may need time to consider their options and decide what they want to do next.

You do not need to be an expert to be supportive. Providing information about available resources can help your friend make informed decisions.

Depending on their needs, resources may include:

• Counseling and mental health services , such as Counseling and Psychological Services or the Employee Assistance Program
• Medical care
• Advocacy and support services , such as the Survivor Advocacy Program
• Civil Rights Compliance
• Law enforcement

Civil Rights Compliance can provide information about supportive measures, reporting options, available resources, and the University's grievance process.

While trying to help, it can be easy to unintentionally make someone feel pressured or unsupported. Try to avoid:

• Assuming you know what happened or how they feel
• Asking “why” questions that may feel judgmental
• Investigating the situation yourself
• Pressuring them to report or take a particular course of action
• Sharing information with others without their permission
• Making promises about outcomes or confidentiality that you may not be able to keep

Many people worry about saying the wrong thing when a friend shares a difficult experience. You do not need to respond perfectly. Being present, listening, expressing care, and respecting your friend’s choices are often the most meaningful ways to provide support.

Supporting someone through a difficult experience can be emotionally challenging. While offering support, it is also important to care for your own well-being.

• Recognize your feelings and reactions.
• Remember that you are not responsible for solving the situation. As a friend, you do not need to have all the answers or determine what happened. You are not expected to be a counselor, investigator, or expert.
• Maintain healthy boundaries. 
• Seek support for yourself if needed. Consider talking with a counselor, a trusted supervisor or professor, or other appropriate resource while respecting your friend’s privacy.
• Make time for activities that help you manage stress and maintain your well-being.