Clarity:
suggested changes

Copy this into a Word document (don't worry about cleaning up the formatting).  Have your own answers visible in another window, examine any differences in your own answers, and for each difference, add a comment to this document saying whether your version is more clear, less clear, or the same -- and why.  If all your answers are identical, just say so at the bottom (so I'll know you did the checking).

1. Our patients enjoy the warm days while they last.

   While these warm days last, our patients enjoy them.  or  Our terminal patients enjoy the warm days.

    

2. Police surrounded the crowd attacking the strikers.

   Police surrounded the crowd, attacking the strikers.

    

3. We expect a refund because of your error in our order.

   Because of your error in our order, we expect a refund.

    

4. A mistake was made in your shipment.

   I made a mistake in your shipment.  or  Our company made a mistake in your shipment.

    

5. You need to overhaul our filing system.

  Our filing system needs to be overhauled.