Editing for Readable Style:
Clarity

 

Do your best to revise the following for improved, unambiguous style.  THERE IS NO SINGLE RIGHT ANSWER.  Several possibilities may work ... just demonstrate that you have a grasp of what clarity is and how to achieve it.

  1. Our patients enjoy the warm days while they last.  [[What does "they" refer to?  Rewrite this as two versions of the sentence with two different, clear meanings.]]

     

  2. Police surrounded the crowd attacking the strikers.  [[Add a comma that changes the meaning of the sentence, and explain the difference in the two meanings.]]

     

  3. We expect a refund because of your error in our shipment.  [[Rewrite this sentence for better emphasis.]]

    4.  

  4. A mistake was made in your shipment.  [[This uses a passive verb to be evasive.  Rewrite the sentence in active voice to clearly establish responsibility.  Invent what you need to do so.]]

    5.  

  5. You need to overhaul our filing system.  [[This is active voice, but offensive.  Rewrite the sentence to soften the statement.]]