Life as an Art

Everything You Need to Become a Connoisseur of Your Life

By Lee Robbins

Opportunities are all around us. Sure, many of life’s greatest successes come from sheer luck, but one cannot rely on good fortune alone. In a competitive world, we are what we advertise. And in our day-to-day lives, it’s the contacts we keep and the impressions we make that may land us that great job, perfect relationship, or merely the respect of another. In a moment, life as we know it could be drastically altered by the slightest detail. For this very reason, it is crucial that we advertise our best selves.
Sounds easy enough, right? Of course it doesn’t! Sometimes trying to maintain sophistication on a regular basis is nearly impossible. And yes, while there will always be that zit, fender bender, electronic malfunction, or some other disaster on what you consider to be the most important day of your life, knowing the basics of modern-day-etiquette and common courtesy will help you ease through any though situation. Even when you are feeling at your most awkward or out of control, there are a few simple social graces that will make all the difference. If learned and practiced, these tips will help you to exude a composed persona at every turn – and they may even brighten someone else’s day, too.

1. Just Be Quiet

This may be one of the most basic, yet difficult rules of etiquette to master. The goal is simple: just take a moment to stop talking. This doesn’t mean silence; this doesn’t mean not speaking up and contributing to the conversation. It simply means, listening to what’s going on around you, whether it's a conversation with another person, or a lecture given by a professor.
I was appalled recently while watching a classmate give a speech. Rather than politely listening, some students in the class continued talking throughout the presentation. They assumed that, since they were whispering, it wasn’t a problem. It was. Text messaging is just as bad. By waiting a few minutes, they would have not only gained the respect of the fellow, but probably would have learned a thing or two about his topic.
This skill can also be applied to conversations. Even when you aren’t interested, stay engaged. Challenge yourself to listen and ask questions regarding what the other person is talking about. If nothing else, you will become a better communicator. But you might find that you gain a new perspective entirely, or even a friend.
Having more quiet time during the day can also be therapeutic. Turn off your cell phone for a few minutes. Simply be a sponge to the silence. As your mind and body begin to relax, you will be able to clear your thoughts and prepare yourself for the challenges of the day.

2. Be the Expert (even if you’re not)

One of the golden standards of outward confidence is “shoulders back, stand up straight.” While this may sound somewhat cliché, there’s a lot of truth to it, both literally and symbolically. I am not, in any way, condoning pompousness, but an air of confidence will help you overcome any uncomfortable situation, and will lead others to want to follow in your example. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best when she urged everyone to “do one thing every day that scares you.”
By nature, most people are followers, and, to a certain extent, there’s nothing wrong with that. But you can be different. You can be the leader, the one who sets the tone. Step out of your comfort zone and leap into the unknown. Stretch yourself to do something you’re not sure you are capable of. There is a lot to lose, but more to gain by making a bold suggestion, even if it turns out to be a little off the mark. Through this behavior, you will develop skills that will lead others to believe that you are adaptable to tough circumstances. And, to your surprise, you will discover that you are.

3. Drop the Drama

There are times in your life when things can, and will, turn into big deals, so save them for later. A quick and nearly effortless way to be poised is to have the foresight to know when something is an issue, and when it’s not. A lot of stress is wasted on gossiping and airing dirty laundry all over campus. You will be a lot better off when you realize: A. no one really cares that much; and B. you look both able minded and mature when you aren’t making mountains out of molehills.
When something is an issue that can and should be dealt with, use your frustrated energy not to complain about it, but to take steps to solve it. This is not to say that there is no room for venting to close friends, but be tactful about what you share. There is class in leaving a certain mystery about yourself, so don’t spill all the gory, explicit details.

4. Remember the please and thank you

There are plenty of people who helped make you the fabulous and well-rounded individual that you are today, so let them know. Thank-you notes are not just for middle-aged women at jewelry parties. Take some time to write the old-fashioned way, without the use of e-mail, text messages, etc. Compose a handwritten, well-thought out note to those people who have had a positive influence on you.
You’ve had role models, so go be one. Offer your talents to those in need, even if that involves something as simple as, “Yeah, I’ll show you where the bathroom is.” Also, don’t be scared to ask for help, even if you feel embarrassed. You’ll look a lot worse later on if you miss out on important knowledge.

5. Don't Give Up

Life is a struggle. That doesn’t mean, however, that you have to let it prevent you from leading a graceful existence. The good news is, intelligence, looks, and even talent have very little to do with being perfectly polished. With a little confidence and awareness about the circumstances at hand, you will soon be able to tackle any situation with ease.