Harvey Ballard, Gay
Associate Professor - Environmental/Plant Biology
INVOLVEMENTS AT OU:
I participated occasionally in the past in the employees’ group. Now I participate in the “Out to Lunch” monthly gathering and quarterly potlucks.
WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO BE OUT or TO BE AN ALLY?
The general heterosexual public that includes those not particularly comfortable or personally informed about gay and lesbian lives usually is forced to case the daily lives of gays and lesbians in terms of what they learn from actors on TV or (worse) from the bizarrely twisted interpretations they get from family members and friends (who don’t know any better themselves). The general public NEEDS non-straight people to see on a daily basis who are out, and themselves. Although shock tactics of some militant gay/lesbian groups have accomplished some things, I have abundant personal evidence in my dealings with people that the most effective means to effect change is by serving as a daily example around others. My partner long ago adopted the strategy of “living our lives like an open book”—behaving as though every person we meet knows we are gay, and not worrying about it. Through that process we feel that we have become, and are viewed by many to be, an integral part of the Athens community and of OU. This provides others, who might otherwise be unfamiliar with the range of gay and lesbian life experience, the chance to observe boring, average folks like us—who happen to be gay—and find out that the same fundamental motivations and experiences affect all of us, regardless of sexual orientation.
WHY ARE YOU “PROUD”? WHAT ARE YOU MOST “PROUD” OF?
I am proud of participating fully in life as an “out” gay guy. I have convinced myself and many of those around me that, far from being a liability, being gay provides me with a sensitivity and capacity for caring that is not often available to the average heterosexual guy. My experience translates to opportunities in providing new ways of interacting productively and effectively with my students, with friends and colleagues, and with my foster son and his new family. I guess I am most proud, over the last few years, of being a father to my foster son and grandfather to his kids, together with my partner of 20 years. Learning to be a father to a son who never had one (“where’s the damn instruction manual?”) has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and I’m grateful to have the opportunity. I’m proud that when the situation arose, my partner and I could say “we need to do this—he needs us”. I’m also proud of him for adapting to the new circumstances so well.
WHAT WAS THE MOST DIFFICULT PART OF COMING OUT?
Facing the wrath and utter disillusionment of my parents, and not trying to hurry their process of acceptance (at the same time nurturing my own growing understanding of myself). For 8 years I gave up on them and the fantasy of a close relationship. Suddenly, everything changed, and they were able to get past their personal turmoil about it. Our relationship in recent years has been better than I’d ever had with them, and they’ve “adopted” my partner into the family (to his dismay?).
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO OTHERS WHO COME OUT?
Never underestimate the myriad ways that internalized homophobia and self-loathing can insinuate it’s way into your life, and keep working to eliminate it (with help, wherever necessary). Don’t give up pursuing the fantasies of a good life you envision for yourself. It’s all possible, if you’re willing to work at it and even make some sacrifices. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you are everyone’s equal whether they recognize it or not; you have all the same opportunities and responsibilities that everybody else walking around has. Don’t compartmentalize or limit your life goals based on your sexual orientation, or by what you think others will “permit” you. Screw that. Follow your dreams.
THOUGHTS FOR NON-LGBT PEOPLE ABOUT LGBT PEOPLE AND CONCERNS:
Give up trying to convince yourself or others that gay and lesbian folks are fundamentally different from you, or that we are hoping to take something from you that you already have given you from birth (just for loving the opposite sex). Instead, focus on how fundamentally similar we all are as a human community, and imagine how much more enjoyable and fulfilling life would be if we helped each other achieve the same basic goals in our lives. Put yourself fully in one of our places, and then decide what is “justice” or “appropriate” or “normal”.
