INVOLVEMENTS AT OU:
Out@Work, LGBT Graduation celebration, general mentor.

WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO BE OUT or TO BE AN ALLY?
Students—LGBT or straight—need to have access and exposure to LGBT role models in faculty and staff, and folks living a healthy, happy and successful life as an “out” person.  I do not agree with slapping people in the face with my orientation or lifestyle choices.  Rather, living as an example and living my life as an open book (assuming that everybody knows everything about me) has proven the most effective means to facilitate change of attitudes and viewpoints about LGBT folks in the people around me (and have been told soon numerous occasions).  Only by being out can one accomplish this, albeit in a coincidental way. 

WHAT ARE YOU MOST “PROUD” OF?
I am proud of my fantastic and ever-improving 21-yearrelationship with my partner, Andrew Stuart. I am proud of my son and his family, including our two adorable (and mischievous) grandchildren.  I am proud of my department for their progressive and supportive attitudes, making me feel not only welcomed but an integral part of the department’s mission and function.

WHAT WAS THE MOST DIFFICULT PART OF COMING OUT?
Dealing with my parents. They were devastated initially, and then they were constantly arguing with me about my life and orientation, for 8 years.  I gave up on having any kind of open relationship with them in the future and resignedly let them be the way they were, focusing instead on developing a “family of choice” in my LGBT and straight friends and the sober community that gave me an opportunity forrebirth.  Eight years later, my folks did a fundamental about-face and have been loving and supportive ever since.  I’m still not sure what happened, but I don’t fight it either.  I have a far better relationship with them now, as does my partner, than I ever had before.  But the first few years of coming out was Hell with their backwards hillbilly behavior and attitudes.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO OTHERS WHO COME OUT?
Share first with your dearest and most loyal friends and supporters; then with your family. Without a solid network of loving support, those nearest to you can be the hardest to deal with.  Not everybody has the experience I did, but enough people have had traumatic experiences with their family that this approach seems safest. Those closest to us can cause the most emotional damage when they want to.  Don’t give them that kind of power first off.

THOUGHTS FOR NON-LGBT PEOPLE ABOUT LGBT PEOPLE AND CONCERNS:
This holds true for everybody:  one single person cannot possibly manifest the “average” or “typical” condition for human existence.  Don’t fantasize for a minute that you do.  Strive to put yourself in your proper place in the world—a very small part of a much greater fabric, offering your own little bit of texture and color but by no means a large representation of the whole.  Nobody has the corner on the market of what it means to be “normal” and anybody who professes so and for whatever ulterior motive has no clue to what being human is all about.  Any principle or proposal smacking of exclusivity rather than integration is inherently inhumane and degrading and, one might even say, contrary to the ultimate survival and success of humanity.